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Another Parkstone Dub Foundation Party
by Captain Ash
There you are, lounging around the public library wearing
nothing but a silly grin when suddenly the phone rings. Surprised,
you stash the inflatable sheep under the couch and are happy to
see the Avon lady disrobing. As the cheesy music begins you can't
help yourself, so you let yourself be taken on the spot, disgusted
by the size of the tit that confronts you. Before you know it a
car pulls up and the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders are climbing out
with arms full of beer. Being the gracious host, you fuck all of
them, much to their delight.
The air is thick with the smell of burning stew you left on the
stove as 5 people are now writhing in a pile on the kitchen counter
licking. You’re completely absorbed in it, never having had
so many people licking at once.
Suddenly you look up and see more cheerleaders staring at you and
you grin foolishly. You’re caught! They have their way with
the cheerleaders one last time and you thank them profusely as the
cheesy music fades out.
- THE END -
If there were a public execution on TV, would
you watch it? Only if they were one of the people who should
have been mentioned in the next question.
Have you ever hated someone? If so, why and for how long?
We have decided not to answer this, as we hate too many stupid pepple
to mention and some of them for a very long time.
How do you picture your funeral and which songs would you
like to be played? My way by the loveable Sid [ha ha].
What's the worst psychological torture you can imagine
suffering? Being locked in a room with crap bands who have
been turned down by 25 and every other label in the land and have
to hear them go on about ‘well your shit but they signed you’.
Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture?
Girls! Down with girl power! Down with their knickers!
Have you ever wished you were of the opposite sex?
Only when buying cucumbers.
If god appeared to you in a series of vivid and moving
visions and told you to leave everything behind, travel alone to
the Red Sea and become fishermen, what would you do? Realise
that maybe the flashbacks haven’t finished.
If a flying saucer arrived and aliens invited you to visit
their planet for five years, would you go? Not if it meant
missing Emmerdale
How would you react if your girlfriend told you she'd had a
lover of the same sex before you knew each other? Would you
put on a floorshow at the next gig?
Would you be willing to go into a slaughterhouse and kill
a cow? I worked for 3 days in a slaughterhouse, I didn't
kill anything, I put salt on sheep skins and cow hids.
Did it put me off meat? No, it put me off food, I lost pounds!
How many times during the day do you look in the mirror?
When shaving and watching out for vampires.
If you were to discover that your best friend was a heroin
dealer, what would you do? We don’t have any friends
[ha ha].
What are your most compulsive habits? Eating drinking
and sleeping, but not always in that order.
Do you enjoy sleeping in physical contact with your lover?
Depends on the lover
Do you suffer fools? Only when we have to, which
is quite often.
When was the last time you were in a fight? Life
is just one big fight, but we don’t always know whom or why
we are fighting.
Feel free to contact any of the bands at 25 Records anytime
for interviews/Band features/ gig info etc. at: 25 Records 60 Tollard Close, Poole,
Dorset, BH12 2AU, England.
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